Caregivers--don T Become Control Freaks
You want to make sure your Dad isn t eating rotten food, so you smell everything in his refrigerator. You note that your Mom s hair is oily and stringy, so you insist she let you wash it. And take off that blouse you ve been wearing all week and put on a clean one, you add. I m not sure if it s a trait of all caregivers, but I was some kind of control freak when I was responsible for my Dad s care when he lived in an assisted-living facility nearby. I kept a sharp eye out for his special needs like making sure there were facial tissues and toilet paper in the bathroom. With his severe short-term memory loss, he certainly wouldn t remember to restock those items, and I didn t want him reaching for a hand towel to wipe with or worse yet, not wipe at all. So perhaps the controlling started with the best of intentions to make things better for Dad, but I think it escalated to excess. Not only was I obsessed with perfection, but I expected everyone else in the family to take care of Dad exactly the way I would. When my husband and I went away for a month, leaving two of my brothers in charge, I sent them a three-page letter of...